It’s 2:30am and I’m 23 years old and I’ve been laying here staring at the ceiling for hours asking the stars that I can’t see why the fuck I’m here. What is my purpose? I feel like I just exist to fill a space. Am I meant to be doing something? I always had big … More Who am I
Who do you talk to when the one person you want to talk to doesn’t want to talk about it? I don’t know, but I do know what I want to say. I want to say that I keep imagining what would have happened. What would have happening if I chose my arm that night. … More Don’t talk
This is going to be confronting. For you and me both. I realised two things last night; 1. Fatty tissue looks a lot like movie brains. 2. I really really want to be alive. It wasn’t until I was staring at my open flesh and watching blood soak my car seat that I realised all … More Holding it together
I’ve come to realise that I have about 3 types of moods/days/emotional somethingorothers: Sad, angry and ?normal? Maybe. Normal is functional, normal is not being upset by things too much and smiling and having a perfectly fine day. Sad is holding back tears if something microscopically confrontational happens and dwelling on it for days. Maybe … More Good days and bad bad bad days
I was going to post this to Facebook, but something about letting everyone in on this mostly hidden part of my life scares the crap out of me. People are usually surprised when they find out I have an anxiety disorder because I go to work and I hang out with friends and I can … More Functioning concealed anxiety
Understand this: I do not want your attention, I do not want your pity. I need you to know that this blog is not about me needing someone to feel sorry for me. Please do not give me that. This blog is in existence purely because I feel like people I’ve never met care enough … More Why Amy writes what Amy writes
Today I pulled hair right out of my head. I wrapped the hair around my finger and literally yanked it from my scalp. Why did I do it? I was having a bad day. It should have been a good day- I had no work, it was sunny and warm. Isn’t the wind in my … More How low can one go.
I’ll be blunt, I have depression. And I’ve lost a lot of people because of it. I had this friend once -infact, I had a lot of friends once- that I spoke to on the daily. Like, shit, we were inseparable to the point that it was weird not spending a day together. And one … More The end of an era.